Trauma-Informed Care and PACE in Everyday Interactions

Practice guides · Published 16 August 2026 · Last updated 16 August 2026

Most children living in residential care have experienced abuse, neglect, loss or repeated moves. Trauma-informed care starts from a simple shift in question: not what is wrong with this child, but what has happened to this child, and what are they telling us through their behaviour. It is not a therapy you deliver in sessions. It is the way the whole home relates to children, every hour of the day, and it sits squarely within the quality and purpose of care and positive relationships standards in the Children's Homes (England) Regulations 2015.

What trauma does

Developmental trauma, meaning frightening or neglectful experiences within early relationships, shapes how a child's brain and body learn to survive. A child who has needed to stay hyper-alert to danger may read neutral faces as hostile, hear a raised voice as a threat, and move from calm to crisis in seconds. A child whose needs were ignored may have learned that adults cannot be trusted, that asking for help is dangerous, or that being controlling is the only way to be safe. Shame is often close to the surface: many traumatised children believe, deep down, that they are bad.

This is why consequences alone rarely change behaviour driven by trauma. A child in survival mode is not weighing sanctions; their thinking brain is offline. What changes things over time is repeated experience of adults who stay regulated, stay connected and stay kind, especially when the child is at their worst. Widely used trauma-informed principles include safety, trustworthiness, choice, collaboration and empowerment; in a children's home these are lived through routines, honesty, predictability and repair after ruptures.

What PACE is

PACE was developed by the American psychologist Dan Hughes as part of dyadic developmental psychotherapy, originally for parents of children who have experienced trauma and attachment disruption. It describes an attitude, a way of being with a child, built from four elements: Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity and Empathy. It is not a script or a technique to deploy when things go wrong; it is a stance you hold all the time, so that when things do go wrong, the relationship can carry the weight.

Playfulness

Playfulness is light, warm and unconditional. It says: I enjoy you, you are likeable, being with you is a pleasure. It is shared jokes, silly moments over breakfast, playful commentary during a car journey. For a child soaked in shame, playfulness delivered without an agenda is powerful evidence against their belief that they are unlovable. What it looks like on shift: joining in with a child's game without being asked, gentle humour that laughs with a child and never at them, and keeping lightness in the home even on hard days. What it is not: sarcasm, teasing about sensitive things, or using humour to dodge a child's distress.

Acceptance

Acceptance means accepting the child's inner experience, their feelings, wishes and view of the world, without needing to correct it first. You can accept a feeling while still holding a boundary on behaviour. A worked example: a child screams that you don't care about them because you have said no to a late-night trip out. An accepting response is: you're furious with me right now, and it feels like I don't care. I get why it feels that way. The answer about tonight is still no. Notice what is missing: no lecture, no of course I care followed by a list of evidence, no demand that the child be reasonable before they are heard.

Curiosity

Curiosity is wondering, without judgement, about what is going on underneath behaviour. It sounds like: I wonder if today felt hard because contact was cancelled. I noticed you went quiet when we talked about the school meeting; I might be wrong, but I wondered whether that felt scary. Curiosity is offered tentatively, as a guess the child is free to reject, and it works best well after the storm, not in the middle of it. Interrogation is the opposite of curiosity: why did you do that demands a justification the child usually does not have.

Empathy

Empathy is feeling with the child and letting them know it: that sounds really lonely; I can see how much that hurt. Empathy comes before problem-solving, and sometimes instead of it. Many traumatised children have never had an adult sit alongside their distress without minimising it, fixing it or punishing it. Doing exactly that, repeatedly, is the intervention.

A real interaction, two ways

A fifteen-year-old comes in an hour past curfew, smelling of smoke, and kicks the door when challenged.

Without PACE: You know the rules. That's your phone gone for two days. Kick that door again and I'm calling the police. The child escalates or storms off; shame hardens; the home learns nothing about the missing hour.

With PACE: the adult stays low and calm. I'm really glad you're back; I was worried about you. You seem wound up. Come and have some toast. Later, once the child is regulated: I wondered if something happened tonight, you seemed upset when you came in. The curfew still matters and is talked about the next day, along with any consequence, framed as keeping you safe rather than making you pay. The difference is not softness; it is sequencing. Connection first, correction after, and correction that protects the relationship.

PACE and boundaries

A common misreading is that PACE means no boundaries. In fact traumatised children need firm, predictable boundaries more than most, because predictability is safety. PACE changes how boundaries are held, not whether they exist: calmly, consistently, without contempt, and with repair afterwards. If you lose your temper, the trauma-informed move is to repair, honestly and soon: I got that wrong earlier, I raised my voice and I'm sorry. Repair teaches children that relationships survive rupture, which may be the single most important lesson a home can offer.

Looking after the adults

You cannot lend a child regulation you do not have. Trauma-informed homes take staff supervision, reflective practice and debriefs seriously, and treat a colleague saying I'm not the right person for this situation right now as professionalism, not weakness. Secondary trauma is real; use supervision to process it.

Dos and don'ts

Dos

• Ask yourself what the behaviour is communicating before deciding how to respond.
• Connect before you correct: regulate, relate, then reason.
• Name and accept feelings even when you are holding a firm boundary on behaviour.
• Use tentative, judgement-free curiosity once the child is calm.
• Repair quickly and honestly after ruptures, including your own mistakes.
• Keep routines, plans and promises predictable; tell children in advance about changes.
• Use supervision and debriefs to stay regulated and reflective yourself.

Don'ts

• Don't take trauma-driven behaviour personally or respond with sarcasm and contempt.
• Don't demand explanations mid-crisis or ask why questions a dysregulated child cannot answer.
• Don't confuse acceptance of feelings with acceptance of unsafe behaviour.
• Don't pile on shame with lectures, public tellings-off or consequences designed to hurt.
• Don't use playfulness to mock, tease or deflect a child's distress.
• Don't treat PACE as a crisis technique; it is a constant stance, and children spot inconsistency instantly.